sunshine blues

something is wrong when you start regretting the morning sunshine. i got up thinking that my life could not have been worst. to blame oneself is an easy way out, more so than blaming others. certain things adamantly refuse to lighten up as if some never ending shadow of doubt still lingers in between. within the seeming calmness of the mind, there is a turmoil of unrest and anxiety waiting for an unsuspecting moment to come all pouring out. it then beats you down to the floor like an invisible hammer. to be complacent and composed at these times is a hard deal, and many of us, lesser me cannot find my way through all the deceit that the world contains. it is sometimes useless to try and fight my way because i don't know where i am supposed to go. it is a sincere road alright but as it turns out sincerity to oneself is not a pretty or easy thing after all. there is the burden of the hidden self that we camouflage with pride and loud nervous laughter. it is a difficult day when the morning sun gives you all these days instead of all the things so bright and beautiful. it is a glare that stops you from seeing the muck around and i am nothing less than satisfied to be writing this piece of crap right after i got up this morning.